No, I'm not bragging. :) I ran across this post written by a wonderful adoptive mother. Here is a link and I put it again at the bottom: http://cornishadoptionjourney.blogspot.com/2011/02/whispers-in-your-ear.html It shares many of the things that I hear way too often. I will be honest and say that the things said there are heard to often and felt even more often. I will also be honest and say that it has shaped me.
Even when people may not think these things, I feel them. I know that SOME people feel this way or say these things and as a result I wonder about many others. They are views that I don't agree with. All the things that this other mother says are so true. The people with the views are the ones who are very WRONG.
It still has affected how I react and deal with others. I don't ask for help. I don't like to accept help. I often refuse help when it is offered. I don't like to share my children with others who didn't think we should keep adopting and if I had listened to then I would have those children. I go above and beyond what most parents would do in order to prove to anyone in doubt that all of my children are still well taken care of and missing nothing.
I take it a little far I will admit. We have a wonderful church family. At the same time I realize that when someone says "Let me help you get drinks" or "I can help you get plates" or "Tell me what I can do to help you", I say "Oh no, don't worry. I've got it all under control." I know I do it. I know that people with two children (or even one) accept help more often than I can ever force myself. I don't want anyone to think that I can't "do it all". I can do everything I need to do and do it without help. Why though can't I let someone "make drinks" or "help with plates"? Purely because I've insisted on doing it all myself. I mean it would be great to have them help, but I don't want anyone to think I "can't" or feed anyone's belief that we should quit now.
We manage quite well. The kids all do their part to help. I could be more willing to accept help. I mean. . . . gasp. . . . I could even ask for help. Maybe I will try to work on this, but I can't make any promises.
Here is the really good post: http://cornishadoptionjourney.blogspot.com/2011/02/whispers-in-your-ear.html