Trip to Meet the Three: Part 1 An Unexpected Meeting

My friend Colleen came in from out of state to go with me on the trip and for that I am so thankful!  (A little later you will hear more about Colleen and what God had in store for her during this trip, but that will be a post entirely of its own, but rest assured that we serve a very big God!!)  When we went to meet my next three kids I was pleasantly surprised by the changes in their orphanage.  They are in the same place that Keith came from.  That place was so devoid of sound or movement for so long.  The children had been neglected and starved.  Keith spent over 5 years there and 2 1/2 years of that were in an isolation room.  Knowing my three children were there was so hard and I knew that a new director had taken over so I had continued to pray that the good things I had heard were happening were true.  I prayed that they were feeling those good changes make changes in their lives that were tangible. 

It was obvious upon arriving that good changes had taken place.  There were Babas (the word for grandmother and these are people who are employed by ministries to come in and are assigned to a couple children each) out and about with children in strollers that were on the road and visible before we even arrived at the orphanage.  You could see and hear children.  We began to see children who we "knew".  I knew them from pictures because they too are being adopted.  They were not the tiny and starving children that they once were, but are now beginning to grow.  Please understand that these are children still in SERIOUS need, but it is because of the YEARS of lack of care.  The adoptable children need families quickly so that they can get individual care and attention only available in families where you have parents (and siblings!) who love and care for you individually.  She can't change the fact that they were left in their beds for years, teeth rotted out, they aren't even half the size they should be, bones grew the wrong way, muscles atrophied, and children were left to lay so long that they developed rocking and stopped developing.  She HAS however come in and changed their nutrition and started to get them out of their beds more.  The changes are evident and much appreciated.  They are a definite testament to the work of the new director!  Please continue to pray for her, because the needs of those children are so great and she has a HUGE undertaking still ahead of her to help them heal. 

The heaviness of the place is gone and it smells and appears clean.  We waited in the front lobby area for our chance to go meet my babies.  I was so thankful to have my friend Colleen with me.  The excitement of the morning had me completely on edge.  I had woke up WAY before the alarm and was showered and dressed before poor Colleen had gotten up.  She had to have thought me insane, since I am NOT an early morning person!  I couldn't wait to get there and now here I was so close, but still WAITING!!! 

As we waited there with kids going by, some we recognized and some that we did not, I just couldn't help but wondering which child would be brought to us first once we were taken to the meeting room.  I kept hoping that the time would come soon to go there!  THEN THERE HE WAS!!!  JOHNATHAN WAS STANDING RIGHT THERE!!!  He was on his way outside with his Baba and MY SON was standing right there.  I had no way to communicate because my interpreter was arranging things in the office.  I had to approach though!!!  Who waits so many months and can wait longer with their child right in front of them????

So for a split second there he was,    Johnathan. . . my son. . . in the lobby. . .

 

I can't get the video to share, so you just get "still shots" from the video.  So thankful that Colleen was quick even when we weren't expecting it.  More to come! 

 

Please help us get them home!  Lots of opportunities to help!  Links for fundraisers are on the top right side of the blog!  

The Questions with No Answers and Being Real

Ok, so it is the middle of the day and not when I usually blog.  I need to blog though bc what I'm thinking isn't something that can "come out" while I'm in there with my kids.  What I'm about to blog about isn't "fun" or what anyone wants to read about.  It isn't happy or what anyone wants to go share.  It isn't the "happy cheerleader" stuff that makes people want to come visit my blog or donate to our adoption to get my kids home and it isn't the kind of stuff that I usually blog about.  Its just what is clogging up my brain.  It probably won't come out in a logical way.  It probably won't be eloquent like so many blog and maybe not even coherent. 

This adoption is SO hard.  This adoption is SO different.  We love all three of these kids SO much.  We worry about all three of them SO much.  They all lived in an orphanage that they received very subpar care even for the worst of orphanage for years, but now things are improving and we are so thankful for that.  There is someone new in charge who is working hard to right the wrongs and for that we are so thankful.  That person can't fix it all at once, but she is trying hard and that is all anyone can do. 

Matthew is 9 and 18lbs though.  That is tiny!!  Matthew is contracted up horribly from laying there for years and starving for years and laying and laying and laying.

 

His physical condition kills me.  I could lay and cry in a fetal position over how fragile my baby boy is.  I fear each morning and email that says he didn't make it till we got there.  I cry as I type that.  I fear it so much.  I fear he will die alone. 

 

What is killing me today and a lot of days and has made me literally sick this week is what he must think. 

 

He was beat into a coma by his birthfather. . . Does he remember???  Was he abused all the time those first 4 1/2 years??  Was it rare or often??  Was it a drunken rage???  Does he remember being a little boy who could run around and play before that beating and now he has legs that won't straighten????  How scared is he right now?  Does he cringe as each adult approaches?  Does the crib feel a prison that keeps him from the freedom he had those first 4 1/2 years or does it actually feel safe after 4 1/2 years of abuse? 

 

These are the things that drive me nearly crazy today. . . I have no power to comfort him across that ocean.  I can't tell him that love and safety are just a short time away. 

 

How bad do the contractures hurt?  How much pain is he in? 

 

Sometimes I hope that the brain injury is enough that he doesn't remember the beating.  Does he remember the family?  Does he feel the abandonment? 

 

Oh God please just don't let him feel all the emotional pain and fear. 

 

Please God give us that signature soon!  Please God hold my baby boy until I can! 

 

Please God take these tears from me today and help me to put on the front of "Happy Mom" that my kids need here. 

 

So sorry to all of you who don't see "this side" often, but I have to put it somewhere today and this is where it has to go. . . Please pray for Matthew, the process, the signature, my tears to dry up. . .